• Deborah

Job Titles NOT to give yourself


2014 is nearly over. Digital sophistication is at its highest and yet, people are giving themslves dumb titles on their Linked In resumes.

I’m 17+ hours into my outbound recruiting effort (code for “I’m a start-up in a competitive job environment where the words Oogle, ‘Nterest and Prime Shipping are not part of my company name and thus, I’m left to target, stalk and cajole top-tier talent to come work with me on my grand vision with unsolicited yet clever and genuine emails”) and I’m tired.

Not of the search, mind you.

I like reading through people’s’ resumes, searching for the diamond-in-the-rough, the outside-the-box-thinker-screaming-to-be-let-out-of-the-box, the undervalued high-performer. It’s total arm-chair psychology from the safe distance of an internet connection.

I’m tired of bad decisions made by others.

In today’s day-and-age, with the mind-boggling array of career advice blogs, how is it possible that anyone would post a less-than-professional job title on their Linked In profile? Sure, you’ll get attention — but so does the kid who farts in the back of classroom. Maybe I’m a stick-in-the-mud Founder & CEO-type but cute & corny or wacky & irreverent doesn’t make me want to work with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about. Below is a collection of entries I found in REAL resumes on Linked In.

I couldn’t make them up. The titles are real. The snarky “aka” commentary… that’s mine:

Rainmaker

aka “Maker of a long stint in unemployment”

Change Agent

aka “Ex-Bank Teller”

Serial Entrepreneur

aka “I’m-still-looking-for-the-idea-that-works Entrepreneur”

Addict at Pinterest

aka “Recipe clipper, fashion wannabe, who-am-I-kidding-I’m-never-gonna-remodel-the-bathroom & I -should-be-learning-a-new-language Waster at Time”

Thinker

aka “I was going to write ‘Breather’ but that seemed too obvious”

Deep Thinker

aka “I ain’t just a Thinker”

Social Media Guru

aka “Really? Guru? It’s 2012 & I just read a tweet that said your yoga mat was on fire”

All Around Technologist

aka “All Around Bullshit Artist”

Gun For Hire

aka “Watcher of too many Hollywood movies”

Brain Child & Captain

aka “Founder of My-Mom-Still-Makes-My-Dinners-&-Folds-My-Laundry”

Self Starter & Finisher

aka “Masturbation Expert”

Online Adventurer

aka “Gold Member of the Self Starter & Finishers chat room

If you recognize one of these titles from your resume, I’m sorry to be so harsh. But I’m here to tell you what your spineless friends won’t — delete the cutsy. Go staid. Go boring. Go professional.

#favorite