• Deborah

Day 7: Off-gassing broccoli & mini trampolines


Oh, the interesting things you never noticed before that you learn during a pandemic.


1. Broccoli is a miracle vegetable, right? Packed with vitamins, super dark green godliness. Well, when you cut it up into bite size pieces, store it in a glass container for a 2nd-week-pandemic stir-fry, guess what farts uncontrollably into your refrigerator, pushing its stink through the glass seal? Damn, broccoli. So unnecessary.


2. Mini trampolines. Turns out, they're more complicated than I thought. Not to set up. That's a fun, I-could-be-an-engineer-if-I-wanted experience. It's the... pee. No one mentions the pee when you buy one. It just bounces right out of you. Even when you swear you have no pee inside of you. I don't remember this being an issue when I was younger. I'm guessing it's a middle-age, bladder thing.


Oh wait. Is it crass of me to "pee"? I meant... "urine."


3. Skinny Pop... might be laced with crack cocaine. For sure, the white cheese-flavored ones. Seriously, I'm two snack-size bags into writing this post and I see no signs of stopping. Even if I wanted to (which I don't), I can't (hence, the theory of drug-lacing). The name alone is suspicious. Who names a snack with the word "skinny" in it? Total reverse psychology... or... a drug dealer trying to entice you with a little bit of candy. Am I right? You know it's a problem when you start stuffing all your empty snack bags inside one bag and then, stuff that bag to the bottom of the kitchen trash can so your kids don't ask in the morning, "Mom, did you eat four bags of popcorn last night???" Damn kids. Why you got to be so nosy? You should be doing your math homework instead of counting items of refuse. Let's be clear -- this popcorn ain't normal. I don't know what it is but... Amazon delivers it in 40-bag boxes. I have two boxes hidden in the utility closet, like any good stash would be.

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